Keep in mind that I have seen more than I should at my age. I am not saying that it's an excuse. I'm just saying to keep it in mind. I don't care about the consequences if they are well deserved for my actions. If I deserve them, I deserve them. I just want you to see why I did them. I want you to ask yourself if you would have done anything differently than I did. There is just only one thing that I am asking of you.
Listen.
I don't want you to hear my words. I want you to listen to them. Let my words mingle in your thoughts. Let them explore new places of your mind; places that you never new existed.
I want you to remember that this will be not only stressful and tiresome, but it will be painful. Telling personal and desolate stories about my life to the people I trust most is already extremely difficult. Actually, that's a common fear among many people. To make you understand a little better, it's hard for me to...talk. Not physically, but my anxiety levels shoot through the roof, and my trust level for people is very, very low; like, if put on a scale, it would be in the negatives. I'm going to have to tell all of my little (and big) secrets to complete strangers. This will be the most painful experience of my life. Please don't take my words in vain.
These stories and events deal with what people don't want to talk about. You may not like me, maybe even hate me, for what I say. I will be honest with you and say that I do care what you think of me. I am a people pleaser. It's not my nature or liking to go against the crowd.
But by being like you; by not talking about what needs to be said; by only hearing, not listening, what needed to be heard, I got here. I won't say everybody hates me, because they don't. Only a mass majority of the people whom were the most important to me dislike my passions, abuse my mind continually, and refuse to relate with me. They refuse to show me compassion...or love. Yes, they say those three words. They mean nothing to me now. Words are simply words.
Love is not a song, a check, a card, a pill, or a kiss. Love is writing and performing a song for someone. Love is working for your family, and with your family. Love is making a card for your best friend's mom's birthday, despite your artistic ability. Love is being healthy. Love is kissing your spouse, letting go of their faults. Love is a verb.
I refuse to be like you anymore. Despite how you feel about me after I speak, I will respect you. To earn this respect, I am just asking you to listen.
What do you have to lose?
